Chapter Four

It had been eight years since Liv had seen Mathieu, but in her mind’s eye it was as if no time had passed and things were as they had been. She and Mathieu met at a high school football game their senior year. Liv had been walking around with her best friend, Sophie, while Mathieu had been walking around with his best friend Micah, who also happened to be Sophie’s boyfriend. The foursome had ended up walking in circles around the outskirts of the football field, and then going out for pizza afterwards. Liv and Mathieu seemed to be a perfect fit right from the start. They had many of the same interests and even shared best friends. Their relationship was idyllic for the first few months, until they had their first fight. Liv could even remember it as clearly as if it had happened yesterday and not almost ten years ago. “Come on, Liv,” cried Mathieu. “We’ve been dating for almost a year now. I think I know by now that you’re the woman I want to spend my life with.” “How can you be so sure, Mathieu?” Liv defended heatedly. “I don’t know that for sure. I mean, sure I love you more than life itself and I want to be with you always, but I don’t want to rush into anything. We’re so young.” “You sound just like my parents.” Mathieu turned away with a look of utter loathing on his handsome face. “They keep telling me that I need to go out into the world and live my life before making any rash decisions. They think I should go away to college and leave you behind.” Mathieu turned back to look imploringly back at Liv. “If I have to go, I want it to be after we’ve sealed our promise to each other. I want you so badly I can taste it.” He gently took her hands into his and rubbed his fingers along the backs of her knuckles, silently asking her for something she wasn’t ready to give. “I want you, too, Mathieu, but I’m just not ready. I’ve never been with anyone before.” Liv blushed crimson at the confession she had just made to her boyfriend. She knew if people found out she was a virgin, she’d be the laughing stock of the school. But she didn’t want Mathieu thinking she was an easy target by lying about it, either. “Neither have I.” He whispered softly to her, his own face blushing slightly as well. When she looked up at him in shock, he chuckled a self-deprecating laugh. “I wanted you to be my first.” Tears welled up in Liv’s eyes as she threw her arms around his neck, laughing and crying at the same time. She didn’t realize before just how much she meant to him, and this proved it in her adolescent point of view. She kissed him excitedly, and then leaned back so she could look lovingly into those dark passionate brown eyes of his and give him the one thing he seemed to want more than life itself. He wanted her and she agreed happily to give herself to him. After that fateful night, when things hadn’t happened as wonderfully as Liv had hoped, her relationship with Mathieu took a strange turn. Instead of happily agreeing to be together forever, he would hedge her questions. Instead of spending every free minute he had with her, he spent more and more time away. They fought regularly and it wasn’t until Liv found out that she was pregnant that Mathieu’s true self came to light. Even with the fighting, Liv still loved Mathieu with all her being. She couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone but him. She was so ecstatic about the baby; she couldn’t wait to tell him he was going to be a daddy. “What do you mean, you’re pregnant?” he asked quietly, the color of his face turning ashen as he spoke. “I mean we’re going to have a baby.” Tears gathered in Liv’s eyes as she happily told him the news. She was so certain he would be as happy as she was. She couldn’t have been more wrong. “Are you sure it’s mine?” The color of Mathieu’s face changed as drastically as his mood. Where he had just a moment ago lost all color, he now seemed to have an excess of color as he accused her. “You’re absolutely positive?” As Liv looked curiously at Mathieu, he started to rage, and then grabbed her arms forcefully. “You little whore. You’ve been sleeping around haven’t you? And now you’re trying to pin someone else’s kid on me!” Liv shook her head to the negative, violently denying what he was saying. Not as much because it wasn’t true, but because she couldn’t believe he was actually accusing her of infidelity. Couldn’t he see how much she loved him? “No, Mathieu,” she screamed vehemently. “It is yours. I’ve never been with anyone but you.” Tears were streaming down her face and blurring her vision. How had this happened? How had her idyllic view of her and Mathieu raising their child together have been so wrong? She had to do something. But what? As she tried to reason with Mathieu, she felt the pangs in her stomach, but she was certain it was because she was upset, or because she hadn’t eaten. Instead, as her picture of a perfect loving family was destroyed, so were her hopes of at least having someone to love her unconditionally. That night, as she was doubled over in pain, her father had taken her to the hospital, worried sick about his only child. There had been no sign of Mathieu. She had lost the only people in her life that mattered. She had miscarried her baby, and she had never seen or heard from Mathieu again. Liv awoke from her fitful nap, crying for the baby she had lost, and for her own impetuousness, but not for Mathieu. Him leaving and never contacting her again had been the best thing he could have done for her. After his betrayal, she had focused on college and her life ahead of her. Now, here she was in a master’s program, working on her clinical psychology degree. She was going to be a therapist for battered and abused women. She felt she knew at least part of what they had gone through with her experience with Mathieu. But no matter what she told herself about how much better off she was, she couldn’t stem the flow of tears streaming down her face. Sophie apparently heard her crying and walked into the living room, a mask of concern marring her lovely features. “Liv? You OK?” “No.” Liv answered her best friend quietly, with the complete truth. She never could hide her feelings from Sophie anyway, so there was no point in trying. “I was dreaming of Mathieu and …” “And the baby?” Sophie supplied softly as Liv’s voice broke. Liv began crying in earnest as Sophie walked over and sat beside her, wrapping one arm around Liv’s shoulders. “Do you want to talk about it?” “No.” Liv rose from the couch, gently displacing Sophie’s arm, then walked over to the closet and pulled her coat from its hanger. “I think I’m going to go for a walk. I need time and space to, I don’t know what. I just need to get out of here for a while, OK?” “OK.” Sophie agreed easily. “Just be careful, and call me if you need me.” Sophie rose and walked over to Liv, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her close. Liv gently laid her head on Sophie’s shoulder and cried softly as she nodded her head slightly. “Take my cell phone with you, just in case.” She handed Liv her phone and watched as Liv sadly walked out the door, looking as dejected and worn as she had that first day after Mathieu left. After Liv was safely out the door, Sophie muttered a pledge she had repeatedly made to herself over the past few weeks. “So help me, Grant, if you hurt her, I’ll kill you.” Liv wandered aimlessly away from her apartment complex without the slightest notion where she was heading. Not that it really mattered, she thought to herself. She had lived here for almost seven years. She and Sophie had moved in together after their first year in college and had been living together in that same ramshackle apartment ever since. Liv had no fear of the people around her in the neighborhood, or of getting lost. After that long in one place, she knew the area like the back of her hand. It wasn’t until Liv faintly recognized someone calling her name that she realized she had wandered onto the college campus. She had been so absorbed in her thoughts that she didn’t realize she had even gone that far. “Olivia, wait up.” Olivia? No one called her Olivia anymore. No one except her father that is, and he was gone to London on business. Liv turned to see who was calling after her and she spied Grant jogging slightly to catch up. She rolled her eyes slightly at the sight of him, thinking to herself, why today of all days? Why can’t he just leave well enough alone? “What do you want?” she asked shortly as he caught up to her. When Grant stood in front of her, he saw the ravaged look of her face, her eyes swollen and cheeks tear stained. It caused an unexpected urge to protect her always to rise up in his chest. “You’ve been crying.” It was a statement rather than the question she had expected. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing you’d understand.” Her voice was so soft he could barely hear her. She turned and started to walk away, but he strode in place beside her. “Try me.” He urged her gently, wanting to share and soothe her pain, if he could. It tore at his heart to see her hurting so deeply. Liv stopped then, and turned to face him. She looked up into his face and was surprised by the depth of concern in his eyes. Did she dare to tell him what was bothering her? Could she trust him enough to tell him anything? She’d only known him a relatively short time, and even that had been tense to say the least. She wasn’t sure if she could even consider him a friend. She barely knew if she could consider him an acquaintance. After all, he called her Olivia. Anyone that knew her knew she hated that name with a passion. But for some reason, the sound of it from his lips, in his tone of voice didn’t bother her as much as it did when others used it. But as she considered this, she also remembered the reason for her walk and crying, which brought on a fresh well of tears. “I don’t really want to talk about it.” She turned then, as if she was going to walk away, but Grant couldn’t let her leave. He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, effectively halting her intended escape and at the same time, turning her back to face him. He reached up and gently cupped her chin with his right hand, turning her face up to meet his. “It’s OK. You don’t have to talk about it. But whatever it is, I’d like to help.” He looked down at her face, the tears falling slowly down her cheeks, and felt his heart constrict painfully. He didn’t know what this feeling was, but he hated it. Almost as much as he hated the dejected look in her eyes. All he had wanted to do was apologize for the way he had acted last time he spoke to her. Now, he wanted to take her into his arms and hold her. He wanted to do whatever it took to make the pain go away. As she looked up at him he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into his warm embrace, feeling a deep need that even he couldn’t name. He tilted her chin with his right hand and pulled her slowly to him, touching her lips gently with his own. The kiss itself had lasted barely a second and was so whisper soft Liv couldn’t say for certain it had actually happened. But it rocked her world unlike anything she had ever experienced before. She pulled back slightly to look up into Grant’s eyes just before he leaned down and kissed her again, this time with more power and passion. He was still gentle, but slowly the kiss deepened until Liv could feel the heat all the way down to her toes. She needed comfort so badly and it seemed her body only wanted it from Grant. As his tongue begged entrance, she responded fully, allowing him to take whatever she had to give. He pulled away slightly and looked down into her sparkling blue eyes, recognizing this surrender, and forcefully shook himself back to reality. “I think we’d better stop.” He commented, his voice husky and strained from the yet unleashed passion surging through him. “I don’t want to give you anymore reason to hate me than you have already.” “I don’t hate you,” she answered softly. “I don’t know what I feel, but I know I don’t hate you.” “You could you know.” His voice sounded almost wistful, as if he were waiting for her to change her mind about that potential lapse in judgment. When she looked up at him, questioning his words silently, he continued to explain. “I mean, I haven’t exactly been the nicest guy when I’m around you.” Liv looked down and stared at the button on his shirt rather than look him in the eye. She didn’t know if she could think if she were to look directly at him right this moment. She gently reached her hand up to gently touch his chest and ended up playing with the button with her fingernail as she answered him. “You’re right, you haven’t.” She took a deep breath and sighed heavily. “But I’m willing to overlook that. You’ve been so nice to me today. Concerned when you saw I was upset. People that don’t like you, at least a little, don’t act that way.” Grant pulled her more tightly to his chest and held her, gently pressing her head down onto his shoulder. As he spoke, Liv could feel the vibration of his voice against the back of her neck. “So, now what do you suggest we do?” He paused briefly, sighing softly at her silence. “You have this stupid research project going on. And I’m not going to sit idly by while the girl I’m dating goes on dates with several other guys.” “Well, there’s nothing I can do about the research project. Dr. Richards is expecting a full report on all the findings in a month, and we still have yet to get the guys to fill out the application, choose the select few for the dates, actually go on the dates, then decide which one is supposed to be perfect for me.” “You mean to tell me you’re still planning on going through with it?” Grant stepped back, releasing her quickly, as he stared at her with shocked amazement. “Well, yes,” she answered frankly. “I can’t abandon the project now. And it’s too late to change the basis for it, either.” She looked up at him again, realizing they were right back where they had started. This whole research project was the only thing standing in their way. If only she could get him to complete the application himself. Then, he’d be guaranteed to be one of her dates in the next month. But she could also see his side, where that wouldn’t seem as attractive to him as simply dating her now. “You could always fill out the application yourself, you know.” She looked up at him hopefully, yet knowing before the words were even out of her mouth what his answer would be. And he certainly didn’t disappoint her. “We’ve discussed this before, Olivia. I’m not completing that application.” “Why not?” she challenged quickly. “Tell me honestly why you refuse to fill it out. And don’t give me that claptrap about it being discriminating again or so help me I’ll choke you to within an inch of your life.” Grant looked around at the people passing by them, doing the best he could to avoid her gaze as he tried to come with a reason, any reason, besides the truth. But try as he did, nothing else came to mind. So, he battened down the hatches of his emotions and told her the truth. “I can’t complete the application because it would be a conflict of interest.” “A conflict of interest?” she squealed angrily. “How, pray tell, do you figure that?” She stood back and crossed her arms over her chest as she waited for his explanation. “Easy. Dr. Richards is my father.”